Lumbini Sunset, Nepal

Lumbini, aaah Lumbini.
I spent almost 3 months living in a Buddhist temple in this wonderful place. The temple was at least a 30-minute walk to the nearest “city”, which consisted of a restaurant, a store, and a hotel.

If you ask me what I did there, the answer will be simple, I visited the temples around, which took more or less 3 days, and meditated the rest of the 3 months. The place was beautiful but may not have been the most beautiful place I visited in 4 years, but it sure changed my life.

You see, when I say that I meditated, what I really mean is that, well, I flip out, I just went nuts. Or rather, I freaked out a lot. Then I freaked out a little bit more, went dancing in the forest, freaked out a little bit more, and then I freaked out again, for a change.

Meditating and freaking are synonymous right ?! 🤔

Let me explain, as I didn’t have much to do, nor much to distract myself with (no, I didn’t have internet), my life was all about studying Buddhism and meditating.

And after some time meditating, you’re kind of forced to face everything that you don’t want to face. Your mind keeps removing layers of “hiding things” like an onion until you get to those things you really don’t want to think about.

All those things that you stick in the back of your mind so that you never have to deal with them, start to suddenly appear in your thoughts, forcing you to deal with it whether you want to or not.

And there’s no way. There’s nowhere to escape because there is literally nothing else left for you to do.
So what happens? You go nuts.

You cry, you go for a run, take a nap, cry some more, give a few screams on the pillow, cry again. Screams into the pillow again. Lie down in a fetal position and cry some more. And then after a while, you make a way to find peace somehow.

A way to forgive, others and yourself.

You start to create an understanding of yourself that is surreal.
And don’t think I had left that place enlightened. Far from it, actually.

I think I left the temples with my mind screwed than ever. But instead of hiding and pretending that everything was fine as it was, and it is still a bit of my way, I left there not only accepting but embracing each of my “hurts”, defects and scars. And ready to deal with them. Not overnight, but for the rest of my life.

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